Last week, I arrived at my yearly gynecological check up and promptly took a seat that put my back to the majority of the waiting room. It was my first year since multiple failed fertility treatments attending my appointment without Xanax, both in regards to the PTSD that followed my fertility treatments and then my thankfully waning nervous system disorder that arrived three years later. Read more
Onlookers stunned and baffled, sources say
In a parallel universe not yet known to man, childless not by choice infertility survivor Sarah Chamberlin decided to hold a press conference following the six year milestone of her last failed fertility treatment. Actual humans attended.
AS a childless not by choice infertility survivor, Chamberlin knew she was going to be told – not asked – how things are for her. So as she looked upon the starry eyed crowd who came expecting all themes resolution, uplifting, and most of all peripheral, she knew she’d need to exercise some control.
“Ok, ok”, Chamberlin, who didn’t just become childless yesterday, bellowed as she tried to chorale the crowd. Read more
One of most sidelining aspects of my recovery has been the almost absence of seeing and hearing my experiences talked about in the world.
While infertility is being discussed more openly these days, one is still hard pressed to encounter its mention in conjunction with no baby bookending one’s plight.
And childlessness still seems to be deemed a “choice” by the outside world under all circumstances, no matter how insurmountable.
So when I found out about the filming of Should We Kid or Not in Jody Day’s Gateway Women online community, and that they wanted to include the childless not by choice voice (Huh?? OK!!), I couldn’t say no. Read more
Strange things have been happening lately. When I’m out in the world now, something is different.
I find myself catching glimpses of someone I don’t fully recognize. She is emerging full force but I have yet to really see her. Life’s obstacles and hardships can serve as quite the blinders sometimes. Read more
We Are Worthy
I miss you! Life has been demanding a lot from me lately, leaving little time for reflection and expression. There are positive resolutions to some of my challenges and obstacles on the horizon though, so I’ll take it. I know I’m late to the party, but I just had to jump in on today’s World Childless Week theme in spite of my personal constraints. And even though it’s already yesterday in the UK. Hope you have or will get to check out WCW’s many offerings. More from me soon, I hope.
For those of us acclimating to living without the children we expected, certain unyielding realities become abundantly clear amid the implosion of our formerly held world views.
As we relearn the world through our involuntarily childless lens, we are brought face to face with the universally stringent conversational patterns that thoroughly omit our experiences and viewpoints.
It was a golden, crisper than usual mid September day as I made my way to my periodic neurology appointment. I chuckled as I found the office, a drastically cozier and quieter place than the bustling hub where I had always seen my doctor prior. This other location provided a much more cooperative environment for someone in the first part of an autonomic nervous system disorder, as I was now discovering two years and nine months in and approaching its merciful resolution.
I relayed as much to the friendly receptionist as succinctly as I could. “It’s funny what we don’t realize as we’re coping, isn’t it?” Read more
Fertiles Behaving Badly
“Do you know the date?” A woman to the left of me queried as I signed in at the office window.
“Uhhhhh, I’m usually the last person to know. The 7th? But don’t fully trust me on that.”
(Her) “The 7th?”
(Me) “Yeah, how does that sound?”
“Good enough I suppose” she said as we acknowledged each other with a knowing shrug and giggle.
Confirming it was indeed the seventh, she then pushed her phone into my line of vision.
“This is my husband” she stated.
I nodded and responded “Oh, okay”, leaving some space for what I sensed was to come. Read more
Shrieking expletives soon filled the air of my cozy yoga space, along with yoga blocks boomeranging off the walls and a few crow poses raised in shoulder injury defiance.
This had never happened to me during a practice before. I’m all for working within my body’s limits and even find the excursion intriguing. But something else was going on. And so, as my likely wiser self hovered in the background gently whispering over and over, “Easy, tiger – don’t make it worse”, another aspect of my wiser self knew I needed to let it rip. Read more