And I’m in it….
Wow. I never presumed my last post on the way infertility has re-shaped my own personal perspective would resonate. Seems I had been feeling alone and isolated in this too. Thanks for all of the shares and comments. I’m hoping this perhaps leaves us all feeling a bit more centered in and aware of where we are – so not an easy thing – and especially validated on this tough, tough journey we are on.
I tried to write about this subject back in July (sans Huff Post Parents provocation) and it came out as a bunch of indiscernible garble, so, I let it go. I wasn’t there yet. Since then I’ve been struggling a lot with understanding how my experiences of the last five years have changed me and the way I now see life and relate to other people. This is not an easy thing to comprehend and then process when you never see yourself reflected out in the world – not in social conversation, rituals, acknowledged losses and rites of passage, or in the media anywhere.
When it comes to grieving and healing, a lack of available resonance increases one’s workload, and time in the trenches, exponentially.
Hopefully, that’s starting to change.
The November issue of Redbook Magazine did a feature on infertility. And I served as the source for the section that reported, FINALLY, on letting go of the dream of motherhood in the face of infertility treatments NOT working.
You can find my section, What It’s Like to Stop Trying to Have a Baby After $77,000 of Infertility Treatments, here.
The rest of the feature is here, which includes a contribution from our fellow comrade, Justine Brooks Froelker over at Ever Upward.
I’m hoping this will lead to more thorough mainstream reporting on other facets of infertility, on everything from the pitfalls of the fertility industry to those who do not pursue treatments, but for now we can at least rest in the fact a child free not by choice infertility survivor was included in the mix. ‘Bout time, wouldn’t you say?
Here’s to the media tides turning away from the one sided narrative of miracle baby stories and the pervasive myth that reproductive medicine (and all other kinds of efforts, for that matter) can give anyone a baby who wants one.
The process was trying on many levels. I grossly underestimated the emotional intensity telling my story would involve. Fortunately, the journalists at Redbook made me feel comfortable by handling everything with sensitivity and respect.
While I want the community to be satisfied with it, all I really could do at the time was tell my story from my vulnerable heart space and let the chips fall where they fall. Given the parameters of a limited word count along with the lack of precedents to draw upon, among other things, I think we did ok.
Thanks again to Redbook and everyone I worked with for including the far too long ignored realities of fertility treatments not working and involuntary childlessness.
What It’s Like to Stop Trying to Have a Baby After $77,000 of Infertility Treatments
infertilityhonesty 
This is such a great piece, I applaud you for telling your story and sharing with the world how gut-wrenchingly difficult all of this really is. As you say, infertility in the media seems to be very much a ‘medicine can fix all’ approach, which sadly isn’t the case for everyone. Thank you for sharing this xxx
Thanks so much!! It was hard but worth it. I’m hoping one day there is much more research that attests to all of the tolls this takes. In the meantime, well keep speaking out when (and if!!) we can.
Sarah, Thank you for sharing your story. We’re taught that if you try hard and do everything right, you can’t fail, but most IVFs do fail, and the dismal odds of success are misrepresented in the media. Your voice is going to help make a difference in some people’s perception of childless women — and for that I am grateful!
Appreciate your support – we all make up the whole story and the whole story is what I’m sure needs to be out there – not just the parts that are easier and more palatable.
I love how it turned out! So glad that you were brave enough to do this and speak on behalf of our community.
Thank you thank you thank you……it was not easy, but much better to do knowing my tribe has my back:-)
Huge congratulations!!!!
So appreciated, SN. Thank you.
So very proud of you …!
Thanks, as always, for all of your encouragement:-)
I’m so sorry – I read this on my device-that-makes-it-hard-to-comment, and of course, having read it, I later assumed I had in fact commented. I just wanted to say, I think you are fabulous!
Thank you, thank you! The process was challenging, but I’m glad I got my feet wet with my first experience going public.
Congrats!! SO exciting. Thank you for sharing and being so brave to put all this out there.
Thanks, Nicole. It was tough but I’m glad I could contribute in some small way to putting those of us who can’t have children out there in the conversation too.