And I’m in it….
Wow. I never presumed my last post on the way infertility has re-shaped my own personal perspective would resonate. Seems I had been feeling alone and isolated in this too. Thanks for all of the shares and comments. I’m hoping this perhaps leaves us all feeling a bit more centered in and aware of where we are – so not an easy thing – and especially validated on this tough, tough journey we are on.
I tried to write about this subject back in July (sans Huff Post Parents provocation) and it came out as a bunch of indiscernible garble, so, I let it go. I wasn’t there yet. Since then I’ve been struggling a lot with understanding how my experiences of the last five years have changed me and the way I now see life and relate to other people. This is not an easy thing to comprehend and then process when you never see yourself reflected out in the world – not in social conversation, rituals, acknowledged losses and rites of passage, or in the media anywhere.
When it comes to grieving and healing, a lack of available resonance increases one’s workload, and time in the trenches, exponentially.
Hopefully, that’s starting to change.
The November issue of Redbook Magazine did a feature on infertility. And I served as the source for the section that reported, FINALLY, on letting go of the dream of motherhood in the face of infertility treatments NOT working.
You can find my section, What It’s Like to Stop Trying to Have a Baby After $77,000 of Infertility Treatments, here.
I’m hoping this will lead to more thorough mainstream reporting on other facets of infertility, on everything from the pitfalls of the fertility industry to those who do not pursue treatments, but for now we can at least rest in the fact a child free not by choice infertility survivor was included in the mix. ‘Bout time, wouldn’t you say?
Here’s to the media tides turning away from the one sided narrative of miracle baby stories and the pervasive myth that reproductive medicine (and all other kinds of efforts, for that matter) can give anyone a baby who wants one.
The process was trying on many levels. I grossly underestimated the emotional intensity telling my story would involve. Fortunately, the journalists at Redbook made me feel comfortable by handling everything with sensitivity and respect.
While I want the community to be satisfied with it, all I really could do at the time was tell my story from my vulnerable heart space and let the chips fall where they fall. Given the parameters of a limited word count along with the lack of precedents to draw upon, among other things, I think we did ok.
Thanks again to Redbook and everyone I worked with for including the far too long ignored realities of fertility treatments not working and involuntary childlessness.