I seem to be just getting started, however I know the week is about over. To those of you who stayed with me this week, thanks for your abidance. I felt as if I spent the week with some of you in a way, and I liked it! It also goes without saying I admire your endurance:-) So just one more post……..
Coming Out to the Band
A few months before we did our first round of IVF, I joined a symphonic band. Having played flute since I was ten years old, and having made a living teaching lessons and playing weddings for the first portion of my adult life, (about 15 years), it was a quaint notion to be able to “just sit and play” after my years of hustling. And better yet, I was second flute for the first time in my life, a position that averted me the pressure of solos and afforded my playing to be “off” when I was on hard hitting meds. Plus I was thrilled to be playing harmony for the first time in my life, also a quaint notion, this time for the big fish in the little ponds who always ended up in the developmentally limiting position of first chair.
One of the things our band director does is send both birth and death e-mail announcements to the group, the death announcement subject line reading “regret to advise”. People’s joyous and heartbreaking life events would be acknowledged over and over again as I tumbled through round after round of failed IVF in silence. In this experience I observed rage, loneliness, sadness and disenfranchisement. (more…)