20 Reasons To Not Ask Childless People About Adoption

#worldchildlessweek2021

Not even two months after my final failed fertility treatment, I had entered the adoption option’s funnel cloud.  As harsh realities and impossibilities swirled from every direction on this front, I was also sharing myself with people as I tried to make my way out into the world again.  I’ve noticed since this is something that other grieving people commonly and spontaneously tend to do.

After conveying some grief over my unfruitful attempts at trying to conceive I was told by an acquaintance I thought well of, “Well, you can ALWAYS foster or adopt…..”.  Given that this was someone with a few healthy biological children of her own, I was thrown by her unyielding certitude.

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We Have a New Book, Drumroll Please……..

I don’t have to tell most of you, dear readers, that in a world that likes to think of itself on a progressive social change trajectory, it has, in fact, become increasingly HARDER to be involuntarily without children.

In our modern day world, the now ever plentiful pathways to mommy-hood grab headlines.  Along with the myths and implied simplicities surrounding those pathways that also have seeped into the human conversation. 

I mean, you could be a person without children living solo in an igloo close to the north pole with your hands literally tied behind your back, and you would still get the “You really shoulds……..” and the (my favorite)  “You could ALWAYS……” overtures regarding becoming a parent.

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WCW Mindfulness Meditation and Breathwork Video

My mindfulness meditation and breathwork video is now live, just click on the link below.

It touches on some of the practices that have been useful and continue to be useful to me throughout my infertility and then childless not by choice journeys.

The practice session itself is short, about 9 minutes long, so it’s accessible for beginners.  So glad to be sharing this with you all, & I hope it serves you in some way.  #worldchildlessweek

https://worldchildlessweek.net/sat-19-2020/mindfulness-meditation?fbclid=IwAR1Egn2MmwEFEqmttoewWO67H_J7QykFV96bhDrJzqIXoxXGeIalaKUL078

 

You can check out WCW’s other offerings on their FB page.  So many great posts this year.  I’ve been inspired by all of the writing, and by so many people speaking up and out in such a frank and honest way.

Childless Not By Choice Myth #237

Lockdown – and everything else – must be easy without children

Hello everyone – you can find my post for WCW Comments That Hurt Day HERE.

If there were ever a childless myth I’m motivated to tackle, it’s that our lives are somehow easier.  Grrrrr…..I can’t even.

So, glad I got to do it with this year’s WCW theme “Lockdown must be easy without children”.

I wrote this one in an outward facing voice, so it’s meant to share with the outside world.

Also, check out the World Childless Week Facebook page for all of the other interesting posts on this topic. #worldchildlessweek

 

World Childless Week 2020 To Begin Tomorrow

For the fourth year in a row (!!), World Childless Week will be taking place starting on Monday, September 14.  Combining the best of both worlds, WCW serves as a support for our demographic AND as an awareness campaign.

Below are just a few of the webinars on deck for the coming week addressing topics on all things childless.

While many of us need to pace ourselves this week, it’s also a great opportunity to give our demographic some traction in the “outer world”.  I encourage you – and myself! – to like and share as much on social media as you reasonably can.  Posts, including a couple of offerings from me, will be shared throughout the week on the WCW website, Facebook page and on Twitter.

On Friday the 18th Comments That Hurt Day, look for my post tackling the notion that lockdown – and everything else – must be easy without children.  I’m looking forward to the other posts on this topic (also coming out on Friday the 18th) and to see how we address this misconception collectively.  As it may have come across on this blog in the past – subtly of course – the myth that childless lives are automatically easier could be my most despised childless myth of all time.  Given the stack from which we have to choose, well, that’s really saying something!  So I’m glad I and others will have the opportunity to unpack this one.  My post is outward facing – voiced to the outside non-cnbc world in other words – so feel free to share it.

And on either Saturday the 19th or Sunday the 20th, look for my Mindfulness, Meditation and Breath Work video.  Accessible for beginners, I’m leading us through a brief dabbling into the practices that have been useful and supportive for me throughout my childless journey.  I’m really looking forward to having this one shared and hope it serves our community in some way.

As a childless person, I’m very conscious of how much energy I give (or really, don’t give) to the parented narratives that dominate our human conversation.  So most of all I’m grateful that this week exists (Thank YOU Stephanie Philips!!), and in that OUR narrative is finally given the space and voice it deserves.

#worldchildlessweek

Precious Visibility

Living the Life Unexpected

Last week, I arrived at my yearly gynecological check up and promptly took a seat that put my back to the majority of the waiting room.  It was my first year since multiple failed fertility treatments attending my appointment without Xanax, both in regards to the PTSD that followed my fertility treatments and then my thankfully waning nervous system disorder that arrived three years later. Read more

Childless woman announces her life not filled with freedom, money, travel, never-ending ease

Onlookers stunned and baffled, sources say

Credit – FeaturePics.com

In a parallel universe not yet known to man, childless not by choice infertility survivor Sarah Chamberlin decided to hold a press conference following the six year milestone of her last failed fertility treatment.  Actual humans attended.

AS a childless not by choice infertility survivor, Chamberlin knew she was going to be told – not asked – how things are for her.  So as she looked upon the starry eyed crowd who came expecting all themes resolution, uplifting, and most of all peripheral, she knew she’d need to exercise some control. 

“Ok, ok”, Chamberlin, who didn’t just become childless yesterday, bellowed as she tried to chorale the crowd.   Read more

Out In the World

One of most sidelining aspects of my recovery has been the almost absence of seeing and hearing my experiences talked about in the world.

While infertility is being discussed more openly these days, one is still hard pressed to encounter its mention in conjunction with no baby bookending one’s plight.

And childlessness still seems to be deemed a “choice” by the outside world under all circumstances, no matter how insurmountable.

So when I found out about the filming of Should We Kid or Not in Jody Day’s Gateway Women online community, and that they wanted to include the childless not by choice voice (Huh?? OK!!), I couldn’t say no. Read more

Renunciate

We Are Worthy

Dear Readers, 

I miss you!  Life has been demanding a lot from me lately, leaving little time for reflection and expression.  There are positive resolutions to some of my challenges and obstacles on the horizon though, so I’ll take it.  I know I’m late to the party, but I just had to jump in on today’s World Childless Week theme in spite of my personal constraints.  And even though it’s already yesterday in the UK.  Hope you have or will get to check out WCW’s many offerings.  More from me soon, I hope.

XO Sarah

*****

For those of us acclimating to living without the children we expected, certain unyielding realities become abundantly clear amid the implosion of our formerly held world views.  

As we relearn the world through our involuntarily childless lens, we are brought face to face with the universally stringent conversational patterns that thoroughly omit our experiences and viewpoints. 

*****

It was a golden, crisper than usual mid September day as I made my way to my periodic neurology appointment.  I chuckled as I found the office, a drastically cozier and quieter place than the bustling hub where I had always seen my doctor prior.  This other location provided a much more cooperative environment for someone in the first part of an autonomic nervous system disorder, as I was now discovering two years and nine months in and approaching its merciful resolution.

I relayed as much to the friendly receptionist as succinctly as I could.  “It’s funny what we don’t realize as we’re coping, isn’t it?” Read more