You’ll Never Know True Love…..

We all know how this wretched sentence ends, either literally or via inference.  Thanks to the World Childless Week team for sharing my piece, The Many Faces of Love:  You’ll never know true love until you’ve had a child, an Involuntary Childless Infertility Survivor’s Rebuttal.  You can find it on their site here, or visit their FB page here.  Today’s theme is Comments That Hurt.

How to participate in World Childless Week?  Well.  On one level it’s easy.  I encourage you to visit their site and/or FB page to read and like posts.  Since World Childless Week is an awareness campaign, sharing posts and especially sharing them with the good ole outside world is important.

This is where, at least for me, it gets challenging.  I realized this when the other day I ran across a commenter on another blog that essentially said she’s put the word out about WCW and heard crickets, and how are we supposed to get the word out when we are basically ignored like lepers?  So of course I burst out laughing.  Her comment rung true and got me back in touch with the risks we take when we share and post on infertility and involuntary childlessness – the usual crickets, perhaps awkward looks or exchanges when we see people in person, or even having to moderate the mainstream dipshittery that can often happen in response to the sharing of our experiences.  I haven’t had any of that this week, thank goodness, and I did get a warm response to my #IAMME picture (which I admittedly hesitated to post).  But the risks are there and can be felt deeply on a visceral level.  On the other hand, we will reach people and make them feel less alone, and we just may be changing the world little by little in ways that are not yet clear.

Many aren’t ready to share or be “out” with this experience and that space needs to be honored.  There are phases of grief where sharing and fielding responses is the last thing someone needs to be doing.  Looking back, I wish I was wiser to this in my own process at the time, however being silent was just too strangulating for me.  Either way, I know you will honor where you are and if you are in a place where you can push through the natural trepidation, do consider sharing one piece via mainstream social media this week.  If my piece doesn’t resonate with you, there are a bunch of spot on, well written and thought-provoking pieces on the WCW site to choose from.

Another thing to consider – the #IAMME campaign.  #IAMMME was created by blogger Cherry Williams.  The general idea is to show we are a diverse group of people who are shaped by other things beyond childlessness.  You can read her post here.

Sarah Chamberlin, Infertilityhonesty.com

 

 

 

Childless Voices Resound on IVF’s 40th Anniversary

The experience of not being able to have children when you wanted them will always be life altering.  And it has the capacity to inflict a level of grief that is, among other things, transformative.

The experience of wanting children and not being able to have them does not always have to be so inhumane, however.

What do we do when evolution is so clearly needed?  When we are driven by the common thread of leaving this experience more truthful and less pulverizing than we found it?  One doesn’t need to have their own children to have a vested interest in improving things for the next generation, that’s for sure.

We start talking. (more…)

We Are Worthy Online Summit Next Week

Greetings everyone!

Hope you can join me and some other great presenters next week, from April 22 – April 28 for the We Are Worthy Summit.  

The summit is being organized by Nicci and Andrew Fletcher of the Childless Not By Choice Magazine, and Brandi Lytle of Notsomommy.com.

It’s a week long event featuring live webinars, pre-recorded trainings, live chats and panel discussions, including a basic yoga class led by yours truly on Saturday the 28th.

Everything is free (yay!), however hop on over to their SITE and check out the program of events as some do require pre-registration.

The week is going to be chock full of topics relevant to our community – everything from dealing with motherhood loss and grief, to writing, self care and of course my personal all time favorite topics – coping with a child centric world, disenfranchised grief and fielding the timeless (and clueless) why don’t you just adopt and have you thought of trying IVF questions.  So in other words, it’s time to party.

Finally it looks like the script has been flipped and we have a week that addresses our needs and realities.  Hope to “see” you there!

#Listen Up: Why Infertility Awareness Is Not Just For People Living With Infertility

When I think of National Infertility Awareness Week (taking place here in the US this year April 23 – 29), it conjures some unexpected images.

What would the LGBTQ movement be without the participation of friends, family members and fellow citizens?

The women’s movement without the support of men?

If you haven’t been personally affected by infertility, you know someone who has been. A friend. A family member. A co-worker. We are people just like everyone else who, as it happens, weren’t dealt a simple hand in the human reproduction department. The level of traumatic loss with which we deal is high, our support systems are more often than not emaciated.

And yet. A perceivable level of broad base support for the social issue of infertility and its related havoc is somehow missing. It is rare I see family and friends supporting, speaking and standing up for those in their life who are dealing with reproductive trauma and loss. One would be hard pressed to find, anywhere in human history, a cause so drenched in the need for a social restructuring that is so ignored by those who are not directly afflicted. (more…)

Top 9 Ways Infertility and Involuntary Childlessness Prepared me for a Trump Presidency

The morning after last week’s election I lay on my couch, practically immobile.  As it did with many, the election results struck me sideways.  First, I felt all of it.  Confusion.  Anger.  Sadness.  Sadness for people on both sides of the aisle who don’t feel seen and heard by our society and are not having their needs met by this country.  Disheartened that things crumbled to the point where someone who I truly believe is not an intelligent, decent well-meaning human being could be elected.  Upheaval.  Concern for the future – mine and everyone else’s.  Numb. Violated. Discombobulated.

Wishing deep in my heart of hearts that Trump does a good job is much like wishing for a pregnancy on the heels of multiple failed fertility treatments; you want it more than anything but know on a level it’s probably not going to happen.  Most of all, I was shocked that I was shocked.  When one loses their children to infertility after years of trying and doing everything right only to walk out into a sea of indifference (please read the “you can have mine”, “you’re lucky”, “you can always foster or adopt” “it wasn’t meant to be” and “at least you can travel now” minimizations), one’s list of what will shock them in life from that day forward becomes severely truncated. (more…)

Book Review: Avalanche: A Love Story

The heart starving nature of the absence of “me too” in human conversation – a daily normality for those of us in the early years of grieving childlessness and/or recovery from multiple failed fertility treatments.

Julia Leigh’s Avalanche: A Love Story spelled this in me for a bit.  Her compact, almost torpedo like manner of iterating the realities surrounding wanting a child, attitudes towards conception, the fertility industry, failed treatments and their emotional fallout, is riveting.

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