Childless Voices Resound on IVF’s 40th Anniversary

The experience of not being able to have children when you wanted them will always be life altering.  And it has the capacity to inflict a level of grief that is, among other things, transformative.

The experience of wanting children and not being able to have them does not always have to be so inhumane, however.

What do we do when evolution is so clearly needed?  When we are driven by the common thread of leaving this experience more truthful and less pulverizing than we found it?  One doesn’t need to have their own children to have a vested interest in improving things for the next generation, that’s for sure.

We start talking. (more…)

We Are Worthy Online Summit Next Week

Greetings everyone!

Hope you can join me and some other great presenters next week, from April 22 – April 28 for the We Are Worthy Summit.  

The summit is being organized by Nicci and Andrew Fletcher of the Childless Not By Choice Magazine, and Brandi Lytle of Notsomommy.com.

It’s a week long event featuring live webinars, pre-recorded trainings, live chats and panel discussions, including a basic yoga class led by yours truly on Saturday the 28th.

Everything is free (yay!), however hop on over to their SITE and check out the program of events as some do require pre-registration.

The week is going to be chock full of topics relevant to our community – everything from dealing with motherhood loss and grief, to writing, self care and of course my personal all time favorite topics – coping with a child centric world, disenfranchised grief and fielding the timeless (and clueless) why don’t you just adopt and have you thought of trying IVF questions.  So in other words, it’s time to party.

Finally it looks like the script has been flipped and we have a week that addresses our needs and realities.  Hope to “see” you there!

#Listen Up: Why Infertility Awareness Is Not Just For People Living With Infertility

When I think of National Infertility Awareness Week (taking place here in the US this year April 23 – 29), it conjures some unexpected images.

What would the LGBTQ movement be without the participation of friends, family members and fellow citizens?

The women’s movement without the support of men?

If you haven’t been personally affected by infertility, you know someone who has been. A friend. A family member. A co-worker. We are people just like everyone else who, as it happens, weren’t dealt a simple hand in the human reproduction department. The level of traumatic loss with which we deal is high, our support systems are more often than not emaciated.

And yet. A perceivable level of broad base support for the social issue of infertility and its related havoc is somehow missing. It is rare I see family and friends supporting, speaking and standing up for those in their life who are dealing with reproductive trauma and loss. One would be hard pressed to find, anywhere in human history, a cause so drenched in the need for a social restructuring that is so ignored by those who are not directly afflicted. (more…)

Top 9 Ways Infertility and Involuntary Childlessness Prepared me for a Trump Presidency

The morning after last week’s election I lay on my couch, practically immobile.  As it did with many, the election results struck me sideways.  First, I felt all of it.  Confusion.  Anger.  Sadness.  Sadness for people on both sides of the aisle who don’t feel seen and heard by our society and are not having their needs met by this country.  Disheartened that things crumbled to the point where someone who I truly believe is not an intelligent, decent well-meaning human being could be elected.  Upheaval.  Concern for the future – mine and everyone else’s.  Numb. Violated. Discombobulated.

Wishing deep in my heart of hearts that Trump does a good job is much like wishing for a pregnancy on the heels of multiple failed fertility treatments; you want it more than anything but know on a level it’s probably not going to happen.  Most of all, I was shocked that I was shocked.  When one loses their children to infertility after years of trying and doing everything right only to walk out into a sea of indifference (please read the “you can have mine”, “you’re lucky”, “you can always foster or adopt” “it wasn’t meant to be” and “at least you can travel now” minimizations), one’s list of what will shock them in life from that day forward becomes severely truncated. (more…)

Book Review: Avalanche: A Love Story

The heart starving nature of the absence of “me too” in human conversation – a daily normality for those of us in the early years of grieving childlessness and/or recovery from multiple failed fertility treatments.

Julia Leigh’s Avalanche: A Love Story spelled this in me for a bit.  Her compact, almost torpedo like manner of iterating the realities surrounding wanting a child, attitudes towards conception, the fertility industry, failed treatments and their emotional fallout, is riveting.

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Serve as a Source

Hi Everyone –

Wanted to let those of you who have been through treatments know about a chance to serve as a source for reporters investigating the fertility industry.

You can find details on Pamela Tsigdinos’ Silent Sorority Blog.

One reporter is doing “an in-depth investigation into the fertility industry here in the United States examining the ways in which it may be prone to serious abuses and harm and risk in the desire to obtain profit”.

The fertility industry will not start doing business more humanely unless we speak.

The outside world will not take our plight seriously unless reporters start providing narratives other than the one sided at-any-price miracle baby tales that are so constantly present in today’s media.

I encourage those of you who can find the space (and I know space is quite a rare commodity in the trenches of healing) to check it out.

I can say from personal experience Pamela is a pro at vetting reporters for their thoroughness, sensitivity and respect for the disease of infertility and its ramifications.  Go to her blog to see the details.

I’ve seen tiny signs that reporters are becoming more inclusive in their reporting on infertility – Here’s to keeping the tides turning!

PS More writing from me soon:-)