I Did It

Speaking out on Infertility Survivorhood

The question came up suddenly with no warning.

“How are you a teacher in your daily life?”

I was in my first full day of yoga teacher training, the significance of which was not exactly minor. Although I’ve taken many unofficial and organic steps in my journey forward, specifically with writing and embracing the grieving process, this 200 hour training is the first tangible “goal” I’ve committed to since losing our children. And it’s something I would not be doing, at least not now, had I gotten to have children, and I can assure you this truth was lurking as the training drew near. It is, partially for me now, a blatant symbol of this new life I didn’t chose. Read more

MIRACLE??

A Party, An Infertility Survivor, and No Social Mishaps

Newsflash folks: It finally happened. I, I Infertility Honesty, attended a party where I hardly knew anyone and everyone had kids and…….wait for it……..NO ONE ASKED ME IF I HAVE ANY.

I repeat: I WAS IN A ROOM – WITH HUMANS, MIND YOU – A WHOPPING 15 OR SO, AND YES, YOU READ THAT RIGHT, ALL WITH CHILDREN…….AND NO ONE ASKED ME IF I HAVE KIDS.

Wow. I know, right? Read more

Infertility Feature in November’s Redbook Magazine

And I’m in it….

Wow. I never presumed my last post on the way infertility has re-shaped my own personal perspective would resonate. Seems I had been feeling alone and isolated in this too. Thanks for all of the shares and comments. I’m hoping this perhaps leaves us all feeling a bit more centered in and aware of where we are – so not an easy thing – and especially validated on this tough, tough journey we are on.

I tried to write about this subject back in July (sans Huff Post Parents provocation) and it came out as a bunch of indiscernible garble, so, I let it go. I wasn’t there yet. Since then I’ve been struggling a lot with understanding how my experiences of the last five years have changed me and the way I now see life and relate to other people. This is not an easy thing to comprehend and then process when you never see yourself reflected out in the world – not in social conversation, rituals, acknowledged losses and rites of passage, or in the media anywhere.

When it comes to grieving and healing, a lack of available resonance increases one’s workload, and time in the trenches, exponentially.

Hopefully, that’s starting to change.

The November issue of Redbook Magazine did a feature on infertility. And I served as the source for the section that reported, FINALLY, on letting go of the dream of motherhood in the face of infertility treatments NOT working. Read more

Unexpected Benefits of Infertility Blogging

I have a fantasy.

It intensifies whenever I read the Resolve message boards, or someone’s blog in the infertile community, or when I write and post my own story. “People should be reading this” is my ever persistent feeling. I wish for everyone, yes, everyone, to read one blog on infertility, a disease that affects 1 in 6 people of child-bearing age, a disease for which 1 in 8 seek medical treatment. Read more

“Infertile On Board” is an official product!

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Imagine my surprise when I received this comment on my blog:

“Hi Sarah, I stumbled across your link whilst doing some analytics and was quite inspired by your post. We’ve now put the sign you created up on our site as a specific sign – http://www.personalisedcarsigns.co.uk/infertile-on-board – with exclamation mark this time!”

I know people of all kinds have quite a reaction to, and many opinions on, the word infertile. So how did “Infertile On Board” come about? Read more

Happy Fun Time in IF Blog Comment Land

A Satirical Fairy Tail

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, a friendly (although at times not so much) neighborhood infertile, to whom we’ll inconspicuously refer as Sarah Chamberlin, was perusing the IF blogosphere. This led her to an article in a major publication on the lifetime scars of infertility. Excited to see her tribe front and center in mainstream social media, she clicked and read. Chamberlin was at first satisfied by a worthwhile article, however her spirits rapidly dampened as she stared at the vast cesspool of humanity comment section ahead of her. Read more

The Social Unacceptability of…….

…..THE “WHY DON’T YOU HAVE KIDS?” QUESTION

I’m behind.

I’ve got a long list of posts to complete, some half written, and some that haven’t even made it to keyboard. I haven’t finished my post on that forsaken day back in May which I’m sure no one wants to hear about anyway, and I have yet to write about my personal National Infertility Awareness Week adventures from the end of April. I’ve realized my Why Don’t You Just Adopt Post, smartly called for from all of us by Klara, is not really a can of worms for me but rather a whole friggen boatload, so yeah, that could get messy. Sure, I can do messy, but I need TIME. In my dreams I wanted to make a condensed, easy to read list but we all know THAT rarely happens around here. So between that and the Obama interview given by John La Pook a few months ago that I absolutely have to mock, it’s no wonder I feel a bit inundated. And things were about to clear up so that I could get on this until…..until I went to the nail salon today. Read more

Future Generations

Proudly (yes, proudly!) passing on our infertility experience

“This possibility was never mentioned” my husband would often mutter in the days and months after we lost our children. Shaking his head, he would go on to point out that the fact some of us do not get to have children is nowhere in our collective human conversation. Instead, both of our childhoods, despite their drastic differences nationally, socio economically, and educationally (He’s from El Salvador) were strewn with the same verbal presumptions: “one day when you have kids”, “you can show your kids some day” and “I wonder what your kids will be like” to name a few. Notably missing: a nod to the not as unlikely as you’d think possibility this having kids thing might not get to be. Read more

You Are Not Alone – An Infertility Awareness Quiz, Research and Awesome Bloggers

Welcome to the 26th National Infertility Awareness Week! After you’re done breaking out the confetti, hopefully you can benefit from my following humble offerings.

FIRST, you have an infertility awareness quiz to give to others, courtesy of yours truly, Infertility Honesty. If you’re too exhausted to explain infertility, or if you generally fear your own spontaneous combustion in trying to do so, I did some of the work for you. Feel free to hand over this quiz to anyone, and if you want to even blame some of your own snarky-ness on me, I offer myself up. As we are saying this week, you are not alone!

SECOND, we do have a collection, though all too underground, of research that validates many aspects of the infertile experience, as well as some basic statistics available. I used and referenced both in my quiz as often as possible. What a luxury to have this slowly growing body of research to fall back on. For me, it’s especially useful to reference in conversations where people have trouble wrapping their heads and hearts around the truth that going through one surgery and ten fertility treatments to the end of no child is – like – HARD. I now have PROOF it’s not just me, and I feel much less alone as a result.

And, THIRD: Although there is much work to do to make infertility a part of the human conversation and basic social protocol, there are many wonderful bloggers out there paving the way for such a thing, post by post. Many of the ones I have chosen to highlight center around my child free not by choice klan, however, whether it’s that or the experiences of recurrent pregnancy loss, pursuing treatment or adoption, we as a community are writing and speaking. Make no mistake about it. Hopefully one day we can freely turn to the outside world for support and compassion. Until then, we have a warm and passionate (albeit at times turbulent) community to turn to for support and information to remind us that we are not alone.

INFERTILITY AWARENESS QUIZ

(Includes General Knowledge Section, Infertility Etiquette Section, and Answer Key)

Read more

Happy Birthday, Finally

An infertility survivor runs into contentment on her birthday……..

Oh, the unpredictability emitting journey through holidays while in the midst of a grieving process…….many of us know it well. Often an excruciating odyssey, dicey even when definable can be a best case scenario. There are many valid ways to maneuver oneself through this, though for me personally (and please don’t be shocked), I prioritize allowing whatever comes up emotionally coupled with the ever so important art of self – preservation. Read more